Illin' - Suppressing Emotions = Physical Ailments

I am illin' ... All this turmoil has manifested itself as numbness in my left index finger and thumb. In short it comes from my c-5 and c-6,  i.e. my neck and my throat.

I have been holding too much of the negativity in. I have been focusing on positive and not releasing this negative energy and now, it's stuck in my body like balls of whirling black tar. It's blocking the flow of my energy.

The left side is the feminine side and throat is your voice ... I have been afraid to get messy. To speak my truth and the let anger and the hurt and the frustration I feel out. I tried to do it last night - to write it out, then burn it -- fire is purifying.  But ironically as I was burning my feelings about the guy and his baby's mama and the situation, which is just so fucking Jerry Springer it makes bile rise in my throat, his best friend called me (the guy was with him.)  Baby Mama is at again, they said. Like I give a shit!

Seriously, this chick needs to get a life!  I've asked time and time again that they leave me alone!

He didn't call to wish my happy birthday, since tomorrow is the big day, nope, that was not on his mind, but what was on his mind was what She knew, or more specifically, what his lying ass would have to cop to.  F*$king p*$$y!   I've decided not to censor myself .... I'm letting my dark feelings out.

Here is the forum, my hidden blog.  That no one reads ... It's for me basically, an account of my journey. The journey of my dark and damaged heart.   So excuse me if I get a little coarse here.

Be forewarned ... FUCK is some of my favorite punctuation when I'm in this mood.  And today, I'm in the mood to fucking scream! I am in the mood to break shit.  (btw - punching things and breaking shit was prescribed by a doctor -- let it out, he said, you gotta let it out!)

Ok, so here I go ...  listening to

Limp Bizkit - Break Things

LOUDLY

You wanna justify, rippin' someone's head off.

Your best bet is to stay away Mother Fucker ....

 it's all about the he says, she says bullshit,

I think you'd better quit talkin that shit!

You'd better quit, Talkin that shit or you'll be leaving with a fat lip!

If my day keeps going this way, I just might break something tonight!

Gimme somethin to break!
Gimme somethin to break!

***

So that's how I'm handling life with the sleazel today.  (Sleazel is a sniglet -- sleazy weasel = sleazel)  LOUD MUSIC ... hard core ...

BTW - I didn't break that particular glass ... It's a nice image tho ... :)

So tomorrow's my birthday ... I've got a full DRAMA-FREE day planned!  Guess what I'm wishing for?

Happy Birthday to me!

Cyber Bully Defined

If you have to ask someone, 'Do you think I'm a Cyberbully?' Chances are- YOU ARE! 

What is CyberBully? Here's the definition from Bill Belsey, founder of www.cyberbully.com. 

Cyberbullying "involves the use of information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others."

In case you're wondering if you're hostile, let Webster's help you out:

Definition of HOSTILE- 

a. of or relating to an enemy ex. hostile fire

b. marked by malevolence -  having or showing unfriendly feelings ex. a hostile act

c. openly opposed or resisting ex. a hostile critic, hostile to new ideas

d (1) - not hospitable ex. plants growing in a hostile environment (2)  having an intimidating, antagonistic, or offensive nature ex. a hostile workplace

Any of this sound familiar? I am very proud of myself, I am not sinking to the level of the cyber bully ... I am keeping out of the trailer park and avoiding the gutters ... and being thankful daily the Karma dishes out 10 fold! 

In short I am educating myself (and others) and sharing info and moving on.