I'm Done- NOT!

Well, it's taken a lot but I am really done with the guy I was dating. And believe me it's sad because he came highly recommended, looked good on paper and appeared to be 'the one.'

I am also not so young anymore so I took the plans we had for marriage and family very seriously!  Very seriously! So my heart is breaking not only for the relationship, but for the loss of time ... tick tock, tick tock, goes the biological clock!

I have to accept it.  I have to accept where I am today.  I am working on a campaign for a spiritual teacher of mine and her big thing is acceptance.  Accept things as they are at this moment, not as we wish they were.  Accept who we are at this moment.

I have to accept that at this moment I am disappointed, and I am really, really pissed the fuck off! This wasn't the case until yesterday when the amoeba with arms and legs had his best friend call me and say oh the baby mama unfriended you on Facebook .... seriously!?!  A grown man who is supposed to be in charge of millions of dollars of people's assets (he's a financial planner - and I thought he was a genius at it, but ... ) cannot even manage his own social media page!  R U Kidding??? WTF???  Perhaps I should post the spine again as a reminder to this guy of what a backbone looks like!

Anyway, there's a joke on my favorite show Sons of Anarchy where this guy who compulsively jerks off (or used to until an Asian gang cut his fingers off)  says "I accept that."

So the word acceptance makes me chuckle a little.  Can I say I accept that I am mad?  No, that I am furious, livid, frothing at the mouth, frustrated break something angry?  Sure I can accept that! So I guess I'm not so done as I thought.

When you are done, you are done.  You are back to neutral.  I am nowhere near neutral.  I am still in the red.  Seeing red.

But it's not serving me .... resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies! LOL

I must let go of the resentment!  Good luck with that. I am human, and I guess that is my point.  I'll be done when I"m done. This is like a splinter that's buried deep and needs to work it's way out.

It hurts like heck for the first few days, then goes to a dull throbbing, then eventually, it fades away and you forget it's there and before you know it, presto!  It's healed.  I  may have to adjust the timetable a little ... but the point is healed = done!

Hopefully I'll be healed soon!  I got a business to build, I got lots of people who are counting on me to bring light into the world. But here, this is the place for balance.  Here is the place for dark.  Here is the place where I can stop being Susie Sunshine and become Desiree Darko!   The bitch that I was born to be!

So wrapping this up ... while I am trying to be done, I am clearly not.  "That which you resist persists."  I forget who said it, but they were smart ... so here I am not resisting my dark side.  Truthfully, I am SO NOT DONE!  But I'm working on accepting that and that's all I can do for today.

Desiree Darko, over and out!